Fifty Ways to Leave a Hutt Dead

April 19, 2012 at 8:56 am | Posted in Events, Humor | 1 Comment
Tags: hutt week, hutts

Here at Roqoo Depot we strive to bring you the highest quality of entertainment. In our continuing celebration of Hutt Week, today we are going to take a look at how to kill a Hutt.

Hutts have a reputation for being hard to kill. After hours of strenuous research on Wookieepedia, and a moment of inspiration, we derived the perfect way to convey the information. We combined the tragic deaths of the Hutts in the Star Wars Expanded Universe with Paul Simon’s famous song “Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover.” So kick back, hum along to the tune, and enjoy our revised lyrics.

Fifty Ways to Leave a Hutt (Dead)
*with apologies to Paul Simon

The problem is all inside your head
Obi-Wan said to me
The answer is easy if you
Take it logically
I’d like to help you in your struggle
To be free
There must be fifty ways
To leave your Hutt

He said it’s really not my habit
To intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning
Won’t be lost or misconstrued
But I’ll repeat myself
At the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways
To leave your Hutt
Fifty ways to leave your Hutt

[CHORUS]
Get on a jet, Fett.
Blow up the barge, Marge.
Make a new plan, Han.
Just get yourself free.

Use a blaster, Jaster.
Don’t use stun, Stan.
Roll him off a cliff, Biff.
And get yourself free.

Get out the chain, Jane.
Maybe try a bomb, Tom.
You don’t need a sarlacc, Jack.
Just get yourself free.

Stick ’em with a spear, Veers.
Use a vibroblade, Jade.
Work a lightsaber, Vader.
And get yourself free.

He said it grieves me so
To see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do
To make you smile again
I said I appreciate that
And would you please explain
About the fifty ways

He said why don’t you
Just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning
You’ll begin to see the light
And then he disappeared
And I realized he probably was right
There must be fifty ways
To leave your Hutt
Fifty ways to leave your Hutt

[CHORUS]
Get ’em hooked to X-1, hun.
Blast ’em from space, Ace.
Hire some Taurill, Bill.
Just get yourself free.

Step out of the way, Trey.
Feed’em to Ry-Kooda, Schutta.
Pray to the Zanibar, Jar Jar.
And get yourself free.

Don’t be coy, Troy.
Get them pinned, Wynn.
Use a tail, Bail.
Just get yourself free.

Don’t let ’em get on the wagon, draigon.
Hook ’em up with a Sith, Bith.
Shoot like a Pa’lowick, Rick.
Send ’em to heaven, Revan.
And get yourself free.